HIGH-HEELED TRAINERS: WHY DO YOU EXIST?

BY POLLY ALBANY-WARD

Undoubtedly one of the most nonsensical trends of the past few years, the popularity of high-heeled trainers seems to be growing with unfathomable speed in the face of the greatest adversity.

I first noticed these confusing fellows on the normally impeccably dressed Cherry Healey in her BBC3 series ‘How to Get a Life’ last year. It confused me, it upset me. I really love Cherry, and the presence of such an odd item on her feet was quite distressing. However, I put it down to a brief lapse in judgement. We’ve all worn things we regret, and I spent the remaining episodes of the series consciously not looking at her feet to avoid further distress.

After this unfortunate incident, however, I started to notice high-heeled trainers in real life; on the walk to university, while shopping in town. Pretty soon they were haunting me at every turn, until the inevitable happened. Topshop started stocking them. Why Topshop, why?

Now don’t get me wrong, I love trainers. I also love heels. However I cannot find a single situation in which these two types of footwear converge. In my world, trainers are for casual dress and exercise, while heels are for trying to look like a grown-up and going to night clubs. Heels are no good for comfort, and trainers are no good for pretending to be posh. Surely?

As if to answer this confusion, in the last series of E4’s ‘Made in Chelsea’ Millie Mackintosh attempted to bridge this gap: she wore heeled trainers for what she can have only intended to be a glam run. I say run, it was a jog at best, but all the same it looked like a pretty risky way to work out. And yet I can see why she fell into this madness, as this can be the only way for the sane dresser to keep up with such an irrational fashion.

I can only conclude that the future of these shoes holds refusal to bars and sprained ankles. Fashion gods, this has gone on too long. If you have a heart, please stop this madness and remove these monstrosities forever. We’re still only just recovering from ‘Muggs’.

 

(Image courtesy of Eluxuryboots.com at http://eluxuryboots.com/goods-292-Ash-Cool-Black-Wedge-Hi-Top-Trainer.html)